today, i feel like a kind soul. and i am again as black as charcoal.
floated away at
11:29 PM
Monday, April 26, 2004 .bad day.
my day has been bad. i overslept for the first time. AND i stayed back late for the first time. in the end, i had to rush eating my dinner so i wont be late for my student. argh. i hate rushing. :(
got my pay today. felt underpaid, but its better than nothing. quite poor recently. need to save, but find it hard to control. just can't stop splurging on my car. :p
floated away at
10:45 PM
Saturday, April 24, 2004 .dead.
sorry for not updating for the past 1 week. who cares anyway. nobody reads the blog except myself. :p ha. such an eventful week. nicoll highway's collaspe is saddening, seeing how traumatising the families of the few unfortunate victims who died, i seriously sympathise them. i can't imagine myself in their shoes. really CAN'T. life is just so fragile. anything can happen. i have learned to accept this cruel fact. i can blog at this moment, but at the next moment, i might be gone. * touch wood* death is just so pre-destinated.
spent a bomb on my car again. feel satisifed more than foolish. ha. so tired. feel so drained out still. i need to recuperate. have been teaching tuition everyday except on days when i have lifeguard duties.
anyway, lifeguard duty is fun :) enjoy rotting under the sun. enjoy ramming the boat at high speed. enjoy seeing how the trainees beamed with envy whenever i drive past them. enjoy the fact i am wearing singlet, shorts and slippers when others are wearing long 4 and WET boots. ha. time flies. i was like those trainees like half a year ago. it feels like yesterday. i once was so envious of the lifeguard. i once was so envious of the instructors who get to eat at the cafeteria. i once was so envious of the carefree life everyone in the camp seems to have EXCEPT for us. NOW, i have all. YET i feel nothing.
floated away at
12:32 AM
Thursday, April 15, 2004 .insane.
i think i am insane. i keep talking to myself today. i remember saying this repeatedly to myself : " ga***, you are so pathetic. doing this dirty, low grading job ALONE. you sux. " yes. i really do. i must be too depressed . even worse since the next course came. reminisce about the past. all the sufferings we went through. all the sleepless nights. all the command and control. all the teamwork. AND NOW, i am actually servicing vehicles, getting myself so dirty, so stinky, so degrading. my coursemates laughed their way through when they learnt what i was actually doing. " ha. what a useless job" they will say. argh. i am sick of consoling myself everytime, EVERY single day. " hey, you get to book out. hey, you got a car while other don't. hey, you get time flexibility. others don't. hey, you get to swim and play waterpolo while others don't. hey you get the same pay as the rest for getting dirty only. others DONT." argh. crap. so what. the fact i am doing such a degrading job defeats everything. SO WHAT if blablablablablala....i am not doing what i am SUPPOSED to do. i feel... USELESS. sometimes, army just shouldn't EXIST. i am tired. tired of spending 10 minutes washing the paint off my arms. tired of the smell of soap to clean my dirty hands. tired of seeing my hands, my pants , and my neck dirty ALL the time. tired of people saying i am a SLACKER. i just can't be bothered right now.
don't worry people. i am not as angry and sad as what is being portrayed in my BLOG.
floated away at
11:31 PM
Tuesday, April 13, 2004 .trashed.
i wonder why i felt so down just now over my waterpolo loss this morning. it was a humiliating defeat. 21 - 0. i haven't seen such "spectacular" match before, where the winning team gets through the defense almost everytime without fail, and shot in 90% of their shots into the net. i don't think my opponent is good, just now we are seriously extremely lousy. no teamwork. no experience. no training. it was humiliating. and the worse part is, my team still joked about it after the match. argh. they can still laugh over it.
my mood became better after a buffet lunch with my dad. and even better when i finally got my pay from my korean student. and even² better when my other student passes me this month's pay as well. it could have been better if the waterpolo match was played better. serious.
floated away at
11:13 PM
Monday, April 12, 2004 .experience.
good driving comes with experience. this turns out to be absolutely true. everyday, i realise i have learnt something from driving on the roads. i am so far glad all the mistakes i have committed so far didn't end up to be so serious that my car needs to be sent to a workshop. *touch wood* the closest was.. a mercedes jam brake at the CTE because i cut 3 lanes at one go without checking my blindspots. from the mirror, it shows no cars, but however its because the angle was not captured and i actually need to check the blindspots to see the oncoming car. i was lucky, if his reaction time was a little slower, thats it. today, i scratch my brand new rims on a kerb. so frustrating. all thanks to this toyota corolla who "pressed" me and out of anxiety, i made a wrong turn and "boom!" lol. heartbroken. =p
so exhausted after my waterpolo training. want to have an early night today. i need .. sleep.
floated away at
6:33 PM
Sunday, April 11, 2004 .extreme.
have never been so busy before. after an extremely tiring 5km run this morning, went to fix my fog lamps extremely early and installation was extremely fast. after that, had an extremely draggy tuition session with my sec 3 student, followed by an extreme rush to meet my friend to celebrate his birthday. after that, felt extremely extremely tired and hence cancelled my clubbing session i was supposed to have with my army friends. after leaving the carpark, realised the fees this time went extremely high. everything is so extreme today. what a day.
floated away at
12:03 AM
Friday, April 09, 2004 .surprising.
its so surprising seeing the amount i have in my bank. it isnt as penniless as what i thought it will be. so relieved. so happy. this just means i have more money to spend on my car. lol. somehow, i recalled telling myself a few years ago: " its so dumb spending money on cars. its just so dumb forsaking other luxuries for just cars alone." now, i have joined the so called dumb club. ha. but then again, the satisfaction, the joy u experience is something you only realise after you have your own car. =>
was chatting with one of my friend just now. he said he LOSE interest in almost anything very fast. somehow, i feel its the same for me too. remember i once was crazy over fishes and i will feel sad for my fishes's death. now, i don't even bother knowing if any of my fishes died, and yes, i have not been changing the water for the past 2 months. its my wonderful maid who has been doing it for me . =p
one day, perhaps, my interest for cars will soon shift to another more appealing stuff. i have no idea. is all humans the same? does this apply to relationships too? does it mean if you find someone better, you should just leave your current relationship? erm.
floated away at
7:58 PM
Thursday, April 08, 2004 .golf.
it has been a few years since i last accompanied my dad to the driving range. i was too bloated after a very heavy meal today, so i decided to tag along this time. quite a good experience though my back now hurts and majority of my shots go hay-wire. =p
something quite disappointing happened in camp today. however, i have learned to be myself and ignore what others feel of me. as long as i feel i am doing my job, i shouldn't be bothered by people who think i am always escaping from work. this is reality. if people don't see you do work, or you just smile ALL the time, or you just give that happy-go-lucky attitude, people portray you as someone not serious, not hardworking and just somebody whom you can have fun with. whatever. although i feel i ain't what THEY think, and i am definitely more serious than those that LOOK serious. how i hope people can treat me seriously at times, but.. argh. f**k reality.
floated away at
12:59 AM
Tuesday, April 06, 2004 .issued a fine.
its the first time. the first time getting fined for not displaying sufficient parking coupons. got fined for a huge sum of $30. i am so pissed off. very very pissed off. i worked so hard for tuition, yet now i need 2 tuition lessons for me to recoup my "loss" wtf. why am i so fucking unlucky. but then again, if i didn't get fined today, i will sooner or later, since i hate putting coupons. however i still feel cursed. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
too pissed for any other things.
Too late If you're mad with someone , and nobody's there to fix the situation......You fix it .
Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend .
And if u don't, tomorrow can be too late .
If you're in love with somebody , but that person doesn't know...... tell her/him.
Maybe today, that person is also in love with you .
And if you don't say it, tomorrow can be too late .
If you really want to kiss somebody... kiss her/him.
Maybe that person wants a kiss from you, too .
And if you don't kiss her/him today, tomorrow can be too late .
If you still love a person that you think has forgetten you...... tell her/him.
Maybe that person have always loved you.
And if you don't tell her/him today , tomorrow can be too late.
If you need a hug of a friend... ask her/him for it.
Maybe they need it more than you do.
And if you don't ask for it today, tomorrow can be too late.
If you really have friends who you appreciate... tell them.
Maybe they appreciate you as well.
That if you don't and they leave or go far away today , tomorrow can be too late.
If you love your parents, and never had the chance to show them... do it .
Maybe you have them there to show them how you feel.
That if you don't and they leave today , then tomorrow can be too late.
floated away at
10:18 PM
Monday, April 05, 2004 .wonderful family.
i have thought it over carefully. my $850 purchase is the best buy i ever had. Not only did i get a nice looking rims and makes my car so much more unique on the roads, i have learnt how thoughtful, how caring , how patient, how loving my family members are. they knew i am unhappy with the rash decision i made, yet their patience really just make me forget my miseries and regrets. my dad, especially, stayed by my side and unfailingly convinced me how nice and worthy my purchase is. he says he will love to see me smile after spending on this most expensive purchase i have made so far in my life. he even patiently showed me around the compound, comparing other rims which he thinks is incomparable to mine. he even offered to go the the tyre shops tomorrow to change to another rims if i really can't stand the sight of it, even if he has to pay more. if i didn't make such an impulsive purchase, i wouldn't have realised how sweet, how caring, how noble my dad is, not to forget my mum who keeps to her stand how she supports my decision and repeatedly tell me not to regret my choice, and my beloved brother who lent his sweet heart to me to drive to safti and wait alone patiently at the tyre shop for my car to be ready, not to forget the lonely experience he had during the 1k servicing.
truely, i still feel i might have gotten a nicer , or i shall say, a more suitable rim for my car if only i have stayed at the tyre shop with my brother. yes. but the patience, the love, the care and concern is something which cannot be compared to the regrets i felt an hour ago. $850 is just plain nothing. i feel blessed. i feel loved. its great to be the youngest in the family. the forever baby in their hearts. =>
floated away at
12:29 AM
Sunday, April 04, 2004 .so dull.
sundays are always dull. perhaps its because i make it a point to stay at home, rotting my life away. life is so monotonous. because of my yesterday's expensive purchase, i told myself i am gonna stay at home for the rest of the month mugging with mathematics sums and heading to the gym whenever i feel extremely bored. i shall ban myself from shopping and dining outside. such an expensive price to pay for an impulsive act.
i feel weird. i feel i need more entertainment. i have been spending too much on my car alone. ha. it turns out to be a blessing being single . imagine. if i have a girlfriend now, 1. i will either be super broke, which is unlikely because i know my limits. or 2. my girlfriend will suffer so much and out of jealousy,decides to ditch me for good. or perhaps 3.i will just leave the car as it is and spend it on my girlfriend. =p i think case 2 will be most likely to happen. ha. so i have decided to stay single. to be a swinging bachelor doing anything i like. for how many years i am uncertain. but i do hope to get married and have children. a family of my own, backed up by successful career. posh cars. and a humble house. ha.
sunday is always for day-dreaming. isn't it? ok, i feel extremely bored now. i am gonna head to the gym for some sweat.
floated away at
5:52 PM
.so impulsive.
i can't help but feel so impulsive spending an extravagant sum of $850 in a shot for 4 rims. i didn't ask myself in the first place what kind of rims i really like. what price it is offering in other places. i just get it for the sake of getting it. just because i feel i need a bigger set of wheels. although many say its a good buy and it looks good, i still feel dumb. i should have chosen something i really like. i wonder why the hell can i spend so much money without much consideration. argh. its an expensive lesson learnt. though i am not really conned or something. but like what my dad always say. don't regret after making any decision. i agree. it just makes your life miserable, just like what i am now.
floated away at
2:38 AM
Thursday, April 01, 2004 .so busy.
1 month ago, i recalled lamenting about how hard it is to get tuition assignments. i remember how stressed i feel for letting down my promise. now, i am busy with tuition assignments from monday to thursday, and SATURDAY. how precious, yet i used the day for tuition. a few hours ago, i was again flipping through my secondary 3 maths textbook, and tried recalling so many formulaes. i feel like a student again. practising countless questions as if i am preparing for my o levels. yea i miss those days. my friend asked me : " what for work so hard just to earn money? " then i was puzzed and replied : " if you don't work hard, how to earn money in this competitive world? i don't believe in easy money, though i feel giving tuition is one of the simpliest way out. " army ruins the guys. we get allowances from nsf, for not using our brains. for allowing ignorant people to think earning money is easy. for me, i am starting to earn as much as i can although i have been asking myself sometimes. what for accept so many tuition assignments if i end up having so little time for play? yes. true. but now, having fun doesn't seem to be longer in my main priorities list. have i grown up? or just trying to fill the loneliness in my life? nah. i am just plain lazy.
