.nocturnalge.

Monday, April 25, 2005

.busy.

sometimes, having too many friends isn't a good thing. at least for this year. i find myself spending lots on friends' presents! ha. i am getting broke. :P
just kidding. to those who are in the same plight as me, remember to save some for the October babies :P ( yea i am referring to me. ha. )

i need to lead a healthier life. i don't wanna get drunk again like what i did last Saturday. too destructive. fortunately it happened at my own home, and no massive destruction was being done.

i wanna blog more. but i find myself deleting almost EVERYTHING i typed down. i give up. :p

floated away at
10:59 PM

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

.regrets.

i am getting too lazy to post regularly. *sign*

today, i played for my unit in the inter-unit waterpolo competition. I never knew winning a game can be so satisfying. I will never forget the "memorable" trashing last year when we lost to the opposition team 24 -0 ! Imagine.. Scoring in waterpolo isn't easy, but conceding 24 of them.. just suxs. Today, we had our revenge at last. "Revamping" the whole team, we managed to win ALL matches defeating 3 other teams in our group. I feel so darn accomplished :) At least I didn't lose face being the team captain this year :)

It isn't usual that I call the shots in a game, planning the formations and how the team plays. I am not a great leader. Be it basketball, volleyball, or ANY sports, I am usually just the mediocre ones. Sometimes, I envy those who excel in multiple sports, and often ask myself why am I NOT the one. I confess I can be a little too ambitious and greedy at times. But I believe this is what makes me what I am today. I am not exactly good now, but at least, throughout these 2 years in army, I finally know what I want in MY life, and no procrastination and contemplation shall further hinder my progress.

I have lagged behind too long. When I was young, I beg my Mum to stop enrolling me in swimming lessons. And she did. And that silly young naive decision resulted in the great disparity between the fast swimmers and ME in the recent inter-formation swimming meet. When I was in Primary school, I tried means and ways to escape swimming lessons and never like engaging in ANY sports, and again, that resulted in my mediocre skills in almost every sports. When I was in Secondary School, I hated the sun so much that I never like being outdoor, so I NEVER considered joining swimming as my CCA even though i displayed great potential in swimming by out-swimming many team swimmers in the swimming meet back then. I also quit waterpolo after joining for merely a month because I feel I was too fat and clumsy then, and joined the I-feel-its-useless SAINT JOHN'S as a CCA, and that resulted in my so-so skills in waterpolo. In JC, once again, thanks to "natural course", I had a cyst grown on my left lower chest which results in me "bedridden" for almost a month, and not being able to engage in ANY sports or PE for the next few months, and that resulted in ME struggling to pass my Napfa, and feeling so darn weak and loserish in my JC life. I have far too many regrets in life. Blame it on ignorance, fate, too insensible, anything..., they can't change the fact all these decisions have moulded me in what i am today, not in a good way of course. I could have been SO MUCH better in many aspects, but..

yea yea.. regret more. regret.

Imagine, I became a lifeguard last year.(it was my dream last time) I took part in my first triathlon last year. I played my first actual waterpolo match last year. I took part in individual swimming events for the first time last year. I finally achieved a 9:45mins in my 2.4km last year. I played my first volleyball match last year. And ONLY this year, I started achieving decent placings in my individual swimming events, completed my first biathlon, and won my very first waterpolo match. Looking at how much I lag behind, I feel so...
If only I have started young, I wouldn't be achieving all these only in recent years.

Often, friends question me why i bother so much about such minor affairs and why can't i be god-damn contented with my current achievements. I question myself too, and I realise I can't. Time and Tide wait for NO man. Be contented, and lose out in the rat race.

Thats why I get so frustrated whenever my tuition kids don't listen, and have no idea how much they are ruining their precious future by not taking their studies seriously. They will regret it sooner or later, but I feel obliged to minimise their future regrets.

I strongly believe in following my dreams right now. No more contemplation. No more excuses. I wanna be a swimming instructor. I might wanna take up a 3rd language. I wanna get rich soon.

floated away at
10:28 PM

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

.ha.

now i know why i seem to attract both sexes.

Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

You are both sensitive and savvy

Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

You Are 45% Normal

(Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal...

Other things you do are downright strange

You've got a little of your freak going on

But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

floated away at
10:50 PM

.shrugs.

it saddens me when i hear of people who got killed by road accidents or heart attacks. it is not as if I didnt meet such cases before, but till now, such scenerios still make me shudder. i loathe the fragility of life.
imagine this :- your friendster shows your "last log-in date" to be the EXACT date you got killed or passed away for whatsoever reason... unbelievable.
i am not scared of death. i just find it too irresponsible to be gone this way. far too irresponsible.
shrugs.

floated away at
12:23 AM

Saturday, April 02, 2005

.refresh.

finally. i took some time off to clear my room today. it took me the whole of Saturday to accomplish this. While clearing up my mess, I came across some interesting stuff : -

1) 3 'tampons' in my drawer, which i wondered how it landed up there. Initially, i was wondering what it was since I didnt bother to know how a tampon exactly looks like. My first impression was... mashmellows that can be lighted up. ( it looks like a fire starter too! ) sorry for the ignorance.

2) one very old unsent letter written by me when I was first posted to Yishun JC. I was shocked by the content too. I didn't know I actually wrote the letter with such hatred and grievance! yea. I was really suffering from some depression then. ( I was supposed to give this letter to my ex but for some reasons didn't. )

3) many many letters/cards given to me in the past by friends, my ex-girlfriend and my P6 chinese teacher. yea. those were really memorable.

4) some really unglamorous pictures of me when I was sec 1 and sec 2.

5) many many more useful stuff such as adapters/cds/dvds/cards which couldnt be found last time when i tried finding them.

6) and lastly, loads of rubbish that should long be thrown away.

And while clearing my room, I manage to catch the 2005 Miss Singapore Universe Pageant. OK. Most are horrible looking. They don't even deserve to be called bimbos. I have friends looking better than them really. It seems like the standards every year seem to be around the same.. The winner... is articulate, but....

I am not being crude really. I bet many share the same opinion as me. If stunning girls find it stupid to join Miss Singapore Universe, then I can only say Singapore will never stand a chance to win Miss Universe at all.

Right now, I shall stop looking at the past, and anticipate whats ahead of me. The past is worth looking into, but I guess the future holds equal value. :)

floated away at
11:59 PM

.no more.

no more. no more. i dont want it anymore.

floated away at
12:58 AM