it has been a long 5 days. it seems like ages. somehow, my feeling now is to get back to Singapore asap. I wanna sleep in my room. I wanna see my 6 baby hamsters. I wanna stop walking around and just stay at home to recuperate from my excess walking.
These 5 days have been great actually. To those who are still unaware, I actually went Hongkong on the 20th January for a short holiday with my beloved parents. Its a last minute thing, a little accidental though since my intention wasn't to book the tickets online, but somehow i did. And right now, I am ALL alone in the HongKong airport waiting for my plane. So boring. Fortunately, there is internet access here.
Compared to the trip i went with my friends about 2 months ago, I guess its just better food, and better accomodations. I live REALLY well, and somehow i feel more privacy, and sort of a grown up without the companies of anyone. Like I said before, I like doing things alone. ha
This time round, I actually stayed in Shenzhen for 3 days! (20th Jan - 22th Jan) Staying in Shenzhen has been the most enjoyable trip so far for me. The food they offered and the hotels are really great. And the price is unbelievably reasonable too. Too cheap sometimes to believe. However, staying there for long can be quite a turn-off. Imagine you walking one whole stretch of streets and you see countless beggars begging money, and many pitiful souls searching food from RUBBISH BINS. ( yes i saw them eating food from the rubbish bins with my own eyes ) In Shenzhen, you see ALL sorts of beggars. Some are the typical ones. Some are those "innocent-looking" ladies who wrote something that they got cheated by their husbands and needed money to return to their countries, and MANY who made use of their own 2-3years old kids to beg money from others! Imagine these children who have such parents?!? Imagine their future. Their actions really frighten me. What were we doing when we were 2-3years old? I feel so fortunate. Everybody in Singapore should actually. argh. so stop complaining. ha. On the other hand, Shenzhen really has many cheap buys, and I bought quite a lot of goodies from there. *smug look* ha
In Hongkong however, I no longer feel so excited. Perhaps I just came here 2 month ago. Everything seems so familiar, and everything still costs a bomb. Singapore is better in my own views. :) ha.
OK, i am LATE. its time to board my plane. Bye Hongkong.
7:20pm HongKong Airport
floated away at
7:04 PM
Sunday, January 16, 2005 .weak.
i don't remember falling really sick recently, but yesterday i started feeling really weak and all i wanna do was to lie on the bed and sleep. and that resulted in maximum lethargy. I am feeling like crap now. I just feel like collasping and I don't even have appetite for anything. Yesterday, it was so extreme that I left an SMS on my phone saying how much I love my family, because i feared i might not be able to wake up today. Fortunately, i did. I am getting so paranoid, and a little insane.
floated away at
1:47 PM
Friday, January 14, 2005 .past entries.
was reading my past entries and realised how much i have changed. my first blog entry was more than 2 years ago when i was still using CAPS for my entries and the content and style were so different from now! from the days when i was still working at polo ralph, when i was still happily attached, when i was still struggling to manage my time with work and my driving lessons, when i was hoping all those dreadful army trainings will just END ASAP, when i was so thrilled with my first swimming attachments and many more, I can see myself mature from my .. writings. amazing. and i just motivated a friend to start blogging again. To blog often might seem to be a hassle now, and a little worthless and waste of time sometimes, but when u start reading the entries you had been posting years later, you will realise how memorable and meaningful a simple entry actually is.
i have decided to blog more often, like i did 2 years ago. I MUST, because stuff not written down will soon be lost forever and forgotten. without blog entries, will you still remember what you did 2 years back? your last Christmas? your last new year? i did.
i am starting to feel more achieved, winning individual events which i never did before. my new year resolutions seem to be working this year. :)
floated away at
1:29 AM
Tuesday, January 11, 2005 .have faith.
i am proud by the fact i completed my 1500M freestyle event ( 30 laps ) and CAME in 1st in my detail and 3rd overall, considering it was my FIRST attempt taking this event. I am beginning to think its a good year ahead.
floated away at
5:37 PM
Monday, January 10, 2005 .vainpot. just testing out.
floated away at
11:30 PM
.should i even be disappointed?.
had my swimming meet today. another year has passed, yet... i didn't do as well as i expect myself to. my very first 400M freestyle event was a... flop. Despite eating only ONE slice of bread, I still puke everyday out on my 3rd lap, which caused me to get a pathetic 5th. I am not trying to find excuses, but if I could have finished the race WITHOUT any blunders, i don't at all mind getting a 5th. I hate myself. It has always been the case. I expect too much of myself. I try to be the best which I never can't. I give myself too much stress. I have VERY little confidence of myself. I want to win , too badly sometimes. As a result, I under-performed in EVERY competition, let it be volleyball, swimming or any other competitions. I sux. argh. Till now, i still can't accept the fact why i fared so badly for my 400M. I am confident I could have done a lot better. But i guess its all over afterall. Who wants to lose anyway?
Of course, everything comes with a consolation. I actually came in FIRST for the 200M freestyle event I have little hopes in. WTF?! ha. BUT.. BUT.. overall, i only came in third because there were 2 waves for this event. what a disappointment.
I just have to learn to relax more. I wonder why anxiety came into me even 2 days before the competition. Other competitors seem so relaxed. I am just not steady enough. Afterall, its only a competition with NO medals.
floated away at
6:10 PM
Sunday, January 09, 2005 .the 9th day.
i wonder why i couldn't find time blogging for the past 9 days. i did plan blogging on some new year resolutions on the 1st January 05, but guess i totally forgot about it. last year was great. a fulfilling year indeed. I had many "1st times" which I will like to have more in 2005. my first time participating in many activities such as swimming, triathlon, waterpolo, and volleyball competition! my first time owning a car. my first time running 21 km non-stop in my WHOLE life. my first time wakeboarding. my first time travelling alone. my first time feeling like a leader at work. my first scratch on my beloved car. my first minor accident. and.... I wanna go scuba-diving. I wanna play a good game of beach volleyball. I wanna have 6-pecs. I wanna have more achievements in my life. I wanna be a better person. I wanna leave army. I wanna ...
too many "wannas". life is unpredictable. i guess there will be many surprises ahead. for now, i guess i just have to really cherish my life and the people around me. i pity the tsunami victims, but not as much as their families who are the one SUFFERING BADLY right now. the trauma. the agony. you have to experience to feel it. 2004 ended with many depessions. hopefully 2005 will be more smooth-sailing.
