i think i am insane. i keep talking to myself today. i remember saying this repeatedly to myself : " ga***, you are so pathetic. doing this dirty, low grading job ALONE. you sux. " yes. i really do. i must be too depressed . even worse since the next course came. reminisce about the past. all the sufferings we went through. all the sleepless nights. all the command and control. all the teamwork. AND NOW, i am actually servicing vehicles, getting myself so dirty, so stinky, so degrading. my coursemates laughed their way through when they learnt what i was actually doing. " ha. what a useless job" they will say. argh. i am sick of consoling myself everytime, EVERY single day. " hey, you get to book out. hey, you got a car while other don't. hey, you get time flexibility. others don't. hey, you get to swim and play waterpolo while others don't. hey you get the same pay as the rest for getting dirty only. others DONT." argh. crap. so what. the fact i am doing such a degrading job defeats everything. SO WHAT if blablablablablala....i am not doing what i am SUPPOSED to do. i feel... USELESS. sometimes, army just shouldn't EXIST. i am tired. tired of spending 10 minutes washing the paint off my arms. tired of the smell of soap to clean my dirty hands. tired of seeing my hands, my pants , and my neck dirty ALL the time. tired of people saying i am a SLACKER. i just can't be bothered right now.
don't worry people. i am not as angry and sad as what is being portrayed in my BLOG.
