last night, i had a long chat session with one of my friend. realise i think too much. i am too negative. i mind too much what people will think of me. i am in a quandary whenever i am attached out camp. people always see the surface. i always try convincing myself i am WORKING. i hate letting myself down. i simply detest the idea of being unproductive the whole day. i need to tire myself so i will feel better. ha. i am weird. i know.
some says i am sensitive. some refuse to agree. perhaps, i just hate letting myself down. other than that, i don't usually think much. i always feel guilty. ALWAYS. i feel guilty for letting my colleagues do my job. i feel guilty going home early. i feel guilty for my dilatory habit. i feel guilty for being indolent most of the time. i feel guilty for not giving friends lift. i feel guilty in ALMOST everything, even if i am not obliged to. even if i know i should be exculpated in some cases. thats why i say i think too much. ha. wonder whats happening to me. getting so passive. so troubled. so ambivalent .
i guess.. i just need to open up. i have to constantly tell myself i am growing up. i am no longer a kid who gets protected wherever i go.
