Tuesday, April 19, 2005
.regrets.
i am getting too lazy to post regularly. *sign*
today, i played for my unit in the inter-unit waterpolo competition. I never knew winning a game can be so satisfying. I will never forget the "memorable" trashing last year when we lost to the opposition team 24 -0 ! Imagine.. Scoring in waterpolo isn't easy, but conceding 24 of them.. just suxs. Today, we had our revenge at last. "Revamping" the whole team, we managed to win ALL matches defeating 3 other teams in our group. I feel so darn accomplished :) At least I didn't lose face being the team captain this year :)
It isn't usual that I call the shots in a game, planning the formations and how the team plays. I am not a great leader. Be it basketball, volleyball, or ANY sports, I am usually just the mediocre ones. Sometimes, I envy those who excel in multiple sports, and often ask myself why am I NOT the one. I confess I can be a little too ambitious and greedy at times. But I believe this is what makes me what I am today. I am not exactly good now, but at least, throughout these 2 years in army, I finally know what I want in MY life, and no procrastination and contemplation shall further hinder my progress.
I have lagged behind too long. When I was young, I beg my Mum to stop enrolling me in swimming lessons. And she did. And that silly young naive decision resulted in the great disparity between the fast swimmers and ME in the recent inter-formation swimming meet. When I was in Primary school, I tried means and ways to escape swimming lessons and never like engaging in ANY sports, and again, that resulted in my mediocre skills in almost every sports. When I was in Secondary School, I hated the sun so much that I never like being outdoor, so I NEVER considered joining swimming as my CCA even though i displayed great potential in swimming by out-swimming many team swimmers in the swimming meet back then. I also quit waterpolo after joining for merely a month because I feel I was too fat and clumsy then, and joined the I-feel-its-useless SAINT JOHN'S as a CCA, and that resulted in my so-so skills in waterpolo. In JC, once again, thanks to "natural course", I had a cyst grown on my left lower chest which results in me "bedridden" for almost a month, and not being able to engage in ANY sports or PE for the next few months, and that resulted in ME struggling to pass my Napfa, and feeling so darn weak and loserish in my JC life. I have far too many regrets in life. Blame it on ignorance, fate, too insensible, anything..., they can't change the fact all these decisions have moulded me in what i am today, not in a good way of course. I could have been SO MUCH better in many aspects, but..
yea yea.. regret more. regret.
Imagine, I became a lifeguard last year.(it was my dream last time) I took part in my first triathlon last year. I played my first actual waterpolo match last year. I took part in individual swimming events for the first time last year. I finally achieved a 9:45mins in my 2.4km last year. I played my first volleyball match last year. And ONLY this year, I started achieving decent placings in my individual swimming events, completed my first biathlon, and won my very first waterpolo match. Looking at how much I lag behind, I feel so...
If only I have started young, I wouldn't be achieving all these only in recent years.
Often, friends question me why i bother so much about such minor affairs and why can't i be god-damn contented with my current achievements. I question myself too, and I realise I can't. Time and Tide wait for NO man. Be contented, and lose out in the rat race.
Thats why I get so frustrated whenever my tuition kids don't listen, and have no idea how much they are ruining their precious future by not taking their studies seriously. They will regret it sooner or later, but I feel obliged to minimise their future regrets.
I strongly believe in following my dreams right now. No more contemplation. No more excuses. I wanna be a swimming instructor. I might wanna take up a 3rd language. I wanna get rich soon.
floated away at
10:28 PM