Saturday, September 03, 2005
.s*u bash.
i have never had such a relaxing week for a long time. No tuition classes and time spent only on school, play, and gatherings. No worries. Phew.
I went for my school's bash today. My very first OWN bash. It was fun knowing people everywhere and jumping from one crowd to another. And I swear I have never danced with so many different girls in my entire life BEFORE. ha. And I actually got carried up to the bar top to dance!! Gay dance, Sexy dance, Normal dance. I did all. Guess my reputation is again gone for this school.
To think I thought I can have a fresh start. My foot.
But anyway, I wasn't feeling really comfortable before the bash. WHY? Because there isn't a certain group of friends who CALLED me to join them. I think its REALLY pathetic. I felt so lonely....!!!
Why will this problem arise?
1) My OG groups thought I will be joining my other friends.
2) My other groups of friends thought I will be joining my OG
3) My other groups of friends thought I will be joining other groups.
4) None of the groups feels my presence is important.
ARGH. I am damn sad!!!
But of course, despite how reluctant I was to go to the bash because I felt like the loser of the year, I still dragged myself out of the house and ta-dah! Chinablack!
When I was there, I finally received some SMSes. *phew* And the QUEUE was unimaginably LONG. All the way to an ulu back alley!!!! WTF. we bought the tixs beforehand and they wanted us to queue?! damn. but fortunately i met some friends near the entrance and cut the queue sneakily. :) Yes I felt better.
And guess I met friends, more friends and MORE friends! But so what? I don't have a close clique. haaaa.. LOSER LOSER LOSER!
So.. tell me. What is the point when u know so blardy many people? You just turn out to be less sincere to others, and nobody will INCLUDE you in their groups.. because they think you are forever with somebody!
So I ended up with NOBODY.
How sad is that, but TRUE.
At the end of the bash, I did ended up with a group! :) And they asked:" Hey are you sure you want to join us? I mean you are going to leave your other friends behind? We are so honoured!!"
...............
The fact was.. I have NO close friends to stick with. *y#(#*$)&#. Why do people always see me as popular? I am super pathetic ... really.
Nevertheless, its pointless feeling unhappy. But I do feel helpless. Am i detestable? Am i somebody whom people do not like mixing with? Or is it just because I am TOO sociable so I always appear so BUSY with other people?
Whatever the reason, I have to accept whatever comes to me. Comments like why i am always with DIFFERENT girls, why i am always so busy, how popular I am with girls... argh. PEOPLE JUST DON'T NOTICE ME WITH GUYS. I mean you will notice a guy when he is usually with a group of girls rather than a group of guys right?????????. ISNT IT NORMAL?
I did have fun in the bash... just that feelings like these keep coming back to me....
ANYWAY, i am happy because many people ask why I wasn't in pageant.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. What a compliment isnt it. PEOPLE WHO THINK I AM BHB SHUT UP. HAHA.
Oh.. the girls are pretty hot. definitely better than NUS biz ad. :P
floated away at
4:41 AM