Saturday, March 11, 2006
.dinner.
just 30 minutes ago, i had dinner alone. As i was waiting for my food to be served, i started to ponder upon stuff. Many thoughts came into my mind. I was thinking of the kids i have taught just now. I was thinking of what my friends said to me. I was thinking of how accomplised i am as a person. I was thinking of moring's open house. I was thinking of friends and how people see me as. Basically, I was doing some sort of "self-reflections".
It's time like this when you actually get to think of such matters. At home, I have my PC, TV, bed and tons of books as distractions. In school, it's worse. Other times, I will either be reading my biz law or busy with other stuff. Simply said, I realise I have not set any time for self-reflections at all for a long time. I was so occupied with keeping up the busy pace everybody is setting for me.
I am glad i didn't have anything to keep me occupied today. At least I have a clearer idea of what I myself want now. I have my aims. I have my ambitions. I have my goals. I don't think I am failing myself so far yet. One of my friends asked me casually a few days ago whether I have achieved anything myself. After some time, I named all the achievements I had so far in my head and smiled. However, isn't this very subjective?
Everybody has different perspective. Some just love achieving stuff for "showing-off". Some do it for sense of achievement. Some do it for personal fulfillment. There might be other reasons as well like obligations/responsibilities whatsoever. Frankly, it's not up to anyone to judge whether one is 'useless' just because he has nothing to show to anybody. That's why I have been telling myself not to judge people in a superficial way. How good is good? How accomplished is accomplised? Again, it depends on individual perspectives. Past experiences tell me human beings are never satisfied though.
I always try to see the good in people. I try not to pick on people. ( hard sometimes. ) I want to touch people with my sincerity. I want people to know that I might be blunt, but unpretencious. I constantly remind myself to be humble, but not to the extent of putting myself down.
My priority in life right now is to stay focused and to accomplish the goals I have set for myself. It's tiring, but I will do it.
floated away at
9:42 PM