Monday, May 08, 2006
.swimm.
my student didn't turn up for lessons again. For 3 consecutive Mondays, i haven't had the chance to see my this particular student whom I am supposed to take over from my colleague. I blame it on Monday blues. *lame*
And so, as I had nothing else to do, I went down the pool for a swim and tried to "steal" some coaching skills from this China coach. I realised she really pushes the students really hard. Swimming 20 laps of breaststroke, followed by 20 laps of butterfly, followed by 20 laps of front crawl and lastly 20 laps of backstroke is seriously no joke. Again, it reminded me of my greatest regret in life - to try every means to escape swimming classes and to skip swimming trainings whenever i could. I strongly believe in myself if I had attended swimming trainings diligently when I was young, I could have been 10 times a better swimmer than I am right now. What a waste.
Maybe human beings will never be satisfied with what they have. Indeed, i have myself so many ideals and hopes , and so many " Why am I .... Why is it like ..... Why can't life be ..... Why can't I be ..... bla bla bla. " To summarise, I am never contented no matter how much assurance I might get from people. It's just about meeting your personal goals, but I realise I never really had one. My personal goal is to be at least on par with my so-called competitors, but... who are my competitors? People around me? People who are better than me? Err. Maybe it's just me being too competitive but I am truly aware all the comparison is just endless and makes you a more unhappy person.
So am I currently happy with my life? I can't say I am extremely happy, but I feel this is the best I can be right now. Of course, I will continue to pursue my ideals and to be a better person as days go by.
Also, these days I spent a lot of my time on the roads. In just 4 days, I have travelled 400km! And the time alone in my car has been mostly spent on self-reflections - why do I make myself so busy? why am I not doing what my peers are doing? why do i set enjoyment as such low priority? why am i so busy earning $$ when I seriously do not need $ so badly? why do some people work despite meagre pay? why is Mr Chiam still so popular? and many other why why why why why.
Also, I am been conversing with this friend of mine and he was telling me about his love life, on how the girl has been ignoring the signals he gave and how she gave just enough to make himself a "choice" of hers. Are girls seriously so practical? Are they really so hard to understand? Seeing some of my friends so happily in love has indeed made me a little envious, but still, some tragic experiences and the non-stop squabbles by some others has somehow even it up. So far, for me, I can only say luck is not on my side.. yet. And, I am really confused on why the most recent incident still stir up lots of emotions in me... Whatever, just don't mention it in front of me again.
So many other worries. I am contemplating whether I should drop my Yunnan trip or to take my NCAP Swimming theory test on a later date. What should I do? Yunna trip = forgoing coaching lessons, tuition, a trip to BK, bonding with family & friends and comfy bed? arghh.
floated away at
10:56 PM