Thursday, May 25, 2006
.neglected.
i was about to step out of my house today to school when my mum stopped me. she said to me: " eh, i have already prepared the food you know. I thought you finally have time to eat at home and I have prepared something sumptuous .. roasted meat, steam fish , and bbq pork.... NOW, you are leaving again! " She then stormed off to the kitchen and told my maid to keep the fish and meat since I won't be home eating AGAIN. Suddenly, I hesistated and started to feel guilty. I then pondered. I was trying hard to think of the last time I had a decent meal with my parents at home.... I couldn't.
It suddenly struck me how I have been spending so much time with friends, school activities, courses, tuition & coaching to the extent of neglecting my family. These days, my house is like my hotel. I come home late @ night and leave home early in the morning... I don't talk to my parents. I don't ask how their life is. I don't even bother to smile to them...
Fuck. What an ingrate. What a slut.
And just now over dinner, I realised my dad wasn't talking much at all. He had a few mouth of rice and went to his room after which. He wasn't at his usual self at all. Then I heard from mum that he is facing some problems in his business. ( as in those clients who do not wanna pay him money , shipping problems etc etc. ) I went to his room and he was on the phone discussing business. At that instance, I am so proud of him. He is forever so task-driven, and never ever vent his frustrations on his family. He will always choose to solve his problems himself and not complain: " eh i have a lot of problems already, and still must raise the family.. you know v hard a not... can u all spare a thought for me.. "
Then I thought people often feel they are not being appreciated. Frankly, will it help if you ask people to appreciate you? Somehow, appreciation, like trust, must be earned too. You don't ask for appreciation. You EARN it. How about your parents? Do you show your appreciation all the time? Will they ever complain you are not being appreciative. Will they shower you with less love after that? NO...
I have learnt something from my dad today. Do things unconditionally. If you want to help people, do not expect to be repaid. If you feel that you are doing more stuff than the rest, feel proud of yourself. To me, it's pointless feeling unfair/mistreated. Don't you agree?
Ermm..
I wish I could have helped my dad more.
floated away at
8:01 PM