Wednesday, August 15, 2007
.good morning.
woke up early in the morning feeling fresh and awake. I left home for school at 630am, and on my way to the bus stop, I saw many kids and school buses and this somehow brought me back to the good old school days when my mum would faithfully fetch me to school around this time. Recalled how I dreaded waking up so early just to go to school. You know, for those who didn't know, I was a fat fair kid who was introverted and was pretty contented staying in my comfort zone with a few friends that I had then. ( Actually I still do feel contented with a few close friends ) Honestly then, I did what boys did, but I remembered getting bullied just because I was fat. I wasn't carrying an obiang bag. I wasn't a weak boy. I wasn't smart. Maybe just a little nerdie, a little fat and not very pleasing to the eyes. AND YES, I GOT BULLIED!!!!!! Just because I was fat.
Damn you people. Shallow superficial shit assholes. (&#@)*@#
Okok, my childhood really wasn't as traumatizing as what I sounded. Don't worry. I remembered the good old days when I won swimming despite being fat every year. I recalled playing catching with L, Z, J, J, Z and M. I remembered the CKT stall and catching grasshoppers during recess. I remembered playing rugby but hated it because I was fat and couldn't turn and change directions very fast and ended getting sandwhiched and taupoked. I remembered playing soccer and always preferred playing defender because I was fat and could somehow D people more easily. I recalled hating running so much because I was so fat that I couldn't move. I recalled being damn smug because despite being very fat, I was considerably fast in water!!!!!
HAHA. Enough of the good old fat days.
So, back to reality when I am no longer a victim of superficality. (I assumed)
Surprisingly, life has been even busier after I ended my internship 2 weeks back. Back then, I remembered doing lots of research, monitoring the stock market, going 2 hour lunches with colleagues & friends, staring at the bloomberg machine and talking cock lots with E and H. Also, sometimes I started to daydream how my day would be like if I wasnt stuck in the office - I can swim, sleep, shop, watch movie, spend time with mum, jog and etc etc.... INSTEAD of happily accumulating love handles by eatings lots of Kettle Honey Mustard Chips! haha. I ate at least 10 packets throughout my 3 months of internship! Being an averse snacker, I seriously think I broke the record. haha. Just days before I ended internship, I was suffering depression because I felt that I would be officially jobless in a few days time, and I will miss waking up for a purpose and feeling useful and motivated to read about the news of the day.
Now, I realise, it's all in the mind. You can still wake up with a purpose in mind. You can still be motivated by other means. Maybe the renovation work at my estate helped in conquering my greatest worry - to sleep till no day and night. I am lazy but I always try my best to make use of my time and not sleep my morning away. If I did I feel damn sucky and my whole day will be ruined.
Life after internship has been marvellous, mainly due to the fact that I have more time for self-reflection - how to be a better frisbee player. how to learn to treat some things more lightly. how to give and trust. how to be a better leader. how to be a better friend. how to deal with teammates' ego. how to be a better listener. how to love my family more. how to execute a better golf swing. how to improve my swimming strokes. how to prevent sport injuries etc etc.
Yesterday, one of my friend commented how some people like addressing their strengths and avoid talking about their weaknesses. I pondered upon that question and realised I am usually more pessimistic and always think of how I can improve myself. Is this right? At least to those who are comfortable saying :" Hey I am good at this this that that. ", they tend to be more confident and you know, sometimes if you really think you are good, you do better. For me, I tend not to think this way. I always find the bad of me and find means of improving them. I seldom work on my strengths and aim to better them. This way, I end up being mediocre in everything. However, just focusing on your strengths and conveniently brushing off all your weaknesses... seems like a bad move too.
To those who are busy working, having very little sleep ... be glad and positive. God has planned something for you. From church, I learnt that everything comes with a purpose. Be glad to embrace all opportunities given to you and make full use of them. Think positive as everything that comes has a learning purpose. Stay strong and the hard times will be over in no time :) I will be praying for you.
Some of my dearest PCG mates who have been guiding me along the God's way, Thank you.
( and bon voyage Huiling! )
floated away at
8:20 AM
